


Certain

by sanctuary_for_all



Series: The Only One I Ever Trusted [4]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Death? What Death?, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, First Kiss, Fix-It, M/M, Naked Cuddling, Use Your Words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-08 03:27:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6837214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanctuary_for_all/pseuds/sanctuary_for_all
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A (nearly) complete list of all the things Len and Mick need to say to each other, but haven't.</p><p>***NOW WITH EPILOGUE***</p><p>(Episode 1x15 fix it, so of course there will be spoilers)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter is ship-free, for those who just need a fix-it, but chapter 2 and anything beyond it will be coldwave feels. Credit to my bestie [AnitaB](http://archiveofourown.org/users/AnitaB/pseuds/AnitaB) for mentioning the lever idea while I was busy having my show-induced nervous breakdown.

"Someone needs to be present to destroy the Oculus. Mick has elected himself."

If he'd had time, Len might have seriously considered shooting Rip for delivering that little piece of information like it was the damn weather report. But his only priority right now was Mick, so he resigned himself to leaving the other man shouting some nonsense about not going after his partner.

And there Mick was, standing there with his arm in the heart of a ticking bomb like he was Barry Allen and making Len feel like he'd been transported to some sort of hellish alternate universe. Mick was shouting at him to go, just like he did back in the Russian prison, only this time Len wouldn't be able to sneak back in later and get him out. They wouldn't be able to find each other again, the way they always did after fights, separate jobs, and the occasional, inconveniently-timed prison sentence. Hell, there wouldn't even be a chance for Chronos to suddenly show up.

Everything inside Len rebelled at the thought. He wasn't very good at letting Mick go.

"Move your hand," he snapped, shoving Mick over with his shoulder as he peered inside the device. Just freezing the thing wouldn't be enough to hold it down, and while Rip had already proven he could regrow hands they didn't have time to figure out how to break Mick's arm off safely and still keep the ice intact. Which meant that their only option was to wedge something else in there....

"Didn't you hear what I said?" Mick growled. "I've gotta keep—"

"What you have to do is move your fingers over far enough that I can put my cold gun in place instead!" He shoved it in, wedging it flat, but it wasn't quite big enough. He called back over his shoulder. "Sara! I need a bigger gun!"

"Snart! There's no time!" Mick tried to shove him aside. "It's better this way. There's no way I was ever gonna work out as a hero."

Len whipped around to glare at him. "I don't give a _shit_ right now if you're a hero, a villain, or decide to open up a barbeque in downtown Central City. There are only two ways this is going to end – either we get out of here together, or we get blown up together. Because I am _not_ leaving without you!"

He'd been played before, when he'd tried to run and leave Mick behind. And even earlier, when he'd thought for even a second that he'd actually be able to kill Mick. But here, now, he was wholly himself, and he was certain of only one damn thing.

Mick's eyes went wide just as Sara ran up, a usefully large black gun in her hand. Shoving the cold gun into Mick's free hand, he wedged the gun into the device hard enough that the lever stayed down. Then he grabbed his cold gun and froze the hell out of it, locking it all in place.

Just as he finished, they heard Jax shout. "Guys! Grey says we've gotta leave _now_!"  

The three of them ran out just in time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if I do the barbeque thing, should it be an AU? Earth-2? Or should I try to actually work it into the Earth-1 canonverse somehow?

The minute they got back in the ship, Len whirled on Mick. "What the hell were you _thinking_? Just because pretty boy over there was looking to get himself _heroically_ killed, that meant you had to jump in after him?"

Ray, as always, decided that now was the time to be excessively helpful. "Now wait, Snart, that wasn't—"

Len jabbed a finger in his direction, furious. "When I want your opinion, I'll ask for it. You're the one who let him pull that idiot move!"

Ray looked offended. "Excuse me, but I was unconscious—"

This time, it was Mick who cut him off. "I knew he'd argue, so I whacked him over the head," he shouted back, all his attention on Len. "You're the one I picked up the idea from!"

"Every time I did it, I was trying to keep you _safe_! You did it so you could get yourself killed!"

"Nothing would have hurt me in 2046 and you know it. You just didn't like that I wasn't going along with the plan!"

"Gentlemen, we have more pressing issues to—"

They turned to Stein in unison. "Not helping!"

This time, Sara stepped forward. She looked at Len with an expression that normally meant she was reading him like a book, and he was pretty sure he didn't want to find out whatever it was she saw. Rather than comment on it, though, she turned to Stein. "Has anyone seen Rip?"

Gideon cut in with his location. "I informed him of the deaths of his family. He may wish for privacy."

The entire mood in the room sobered, and even Len couldn’t help but feel sympathy – a world without Lisa and Mick in it held no interest for him. Sara's own expression went solemn. "No one should grieve alone," she said firmly, then swept a look at both Len and Mick. "We're going to have a little time before we track down Savage. I'd suggest you finish shouting at each other someplace a little more private."

Mick stalked off at that, and Len hurried to follow him into the ship’s kitchen area. He slapped a hand on the control panel to close the door behind him, then whirled on Mick again. He felt white hot, fear and anger burning him up from the inside. “Well, since your ‘plan’ was dying like that idiot Flash, then we’d sure as hell better keep following _my_ plans instead!”

“That’s the—“ Mick cut himself off, jaw tightening. He’d been calmer ever since they’d gotten him back from the Time Masters, the crazed desire for fire faded, and it had only been recently that Len would dare let himself hope it would stay that way. He’d been fighting to keep Mick from getting sucked under for years now, and the thought that there was no longer as much to fight against had been an amazing relief.

And then he’d nearly lost everything.

Mick, who knew none of this, narrowed his eyes. “Look, Snart, we both know you don’t need me anymore,” he growled, anger kindling in his voice. “Since I can’t burn you out of me, I need to find something the fuck else to do on this ship. I’m no hero, but I do know how to be a human shield!”

Len froze, brain still jammed on the words ‘you don’t need me anymore.’ It was one of Len’s oldest lies, that he could be just fine without Mick next to him. Attachments were weak spots, the places people could break you, and while Lisa had always been his only an idiot would have let someone else be that essential. He’d told himself he hadn’t been that idiot a thousand times over the years, and he always pretended he believed it.

Sara hadn’t bothered that far. When he’d tried his line on her about the future, she’d patted his cheek and smiled like Lisa always did when she thought he was being an idiot. “Relationships are always easier when the thought of losing the other person doesn’t scare you shitless,” Sara had said, her voice almost kind. “Good try, though.”

He’d always thought Mick had seen through it, too, because in the end he always seemed to see through Len’s bullshit. He usually ended up sticking around anyway, though, and Len had always been too grateful to question it.

But if that lie had helped make Mick think he was expendable, or had been part of what chased him to the pirates, than it was time for the damn thing to die.

“You _idiot_ ,” he ground out, forcing his voice to work. “I’ve _always_ needed you.”


	3. Chapter 3

The words made Mick ache, that split-second of hope stinging more than any physical pain ever had, then he pushed it aside the same way he always did. Len - he was always careful to call him Snart out loud, but he was Len in his head - didn't mean it like that. "On the job," he corrected, the words forceful. He couldn't let Len spin a story around him this time, because when it dissolved again he was pretty damn sure the fall would kill him. "You're not on the job anymore. You've gotta be smart enough to see that."

"I'm not talking about on the job," Len snapped. It was only then that Mick let himself realize there was no liar's gleam in his eyes, no confident drawl in his voice. Beneath the anger, he sounded almost ... bleak. "I'm talking about the fact that the real reason I didn't let you stay in 2046 was because that meant you wouldn't be with _me_ and I am nothing if not a selfish bastard. I'm talking about the fact that I grabbed your heat gun _days_ before I admitted to myself I was going back to get you, because I _hated_ being without you and it was only a matter of time." The words shot out, like a flame finally finding a source of oxygen. "I'm talking about the fact that you screwed up your plan not to be anybody's hero before you even made it, since you've been my hero since I was 14 and I don't see that changing any time soon." He squeezed his eyes shut, voice going softer. The deeper Len felt about something, the quieter his voice got. "I always get so fucking _cold_ inside when you're not there, Mick. Frost probably starts growing on my lungs."

Mick had been hit thousands of times over the years, by people of all different sizes and wielding all different kinds of weapons (including a few vehicles). Nothing, in all that time, had ever hit Mick harder than what he was hearing from Len now. He wouldn't have believed any of it – monsters didn't get to hear words like this – but he'd never seen his partner look so stripped of all his options. He didn't look this hopeless when they were about to get _arrested_.

No. Mick _had_ seen him look this hopeless. When....

Len's anger flared again, chasing the shadows off his face. "I need you. On the job, off the job, any way I can get you." Only Leonard Snart could make words that good sound like a threat, but that was how you could tell he really meant it. An awful spark of hope ignited in Mick's chest. "So don't you fucking _dare_ consider yourself expendable, because the only way I'm letting you go for good is if I'm _dead_."

Memory connected in Mick's head, and suddenly all he could see was Snart on the ground in the holding cell. Mick hadn't thought about it at the time – he'd been too distracted by the fact that the monster inside him had been at its darkest and he _still_ hadn't been able to make himself let go of his partner – but Len hadn't even _tried_ to fight back. When he really wanted to knock Mick out, he always used his gun, not his fists. He hadn't struggled when he hit the ground, and for a second he'd actually sounded cheated when Mick hadn't killed him.

Damn it all to _hell_.

"You asshole," Mick growled, belated panic crawling up his throat. "You really did want me to kill you."

"No, I wanted you _back_ ," Len shot back. "The Mick who'd saved the life of that punk kid would have never let Chronos take me out, no matter how angry you were at me. So I made it...." He stopped, breathing hard. "I made it so he either had to come back, or prove that he was gone for good. And if he was gone...." His voice had gone so quiet Mick could barely hear it. "It didn't matter what happened to me."

Mick couldn't breathe. "You _ass_ ," he managed. "Of _course_ it fucking mattered what happened to you!"


	4. Chapter 4

Len didn't blink. "Why? Chronos would have gotten what he'd wanted." His expression darkened. "And you could have left, just like _you_ wanted."

"What I _wanted_?" He didn't think Len had ever been so wrong about anything in the entire time they'd known each other, and by this point there was a hell of a list for it to beat. "What I wanted this whole fucking time was _you_."

Shock jerked the mask off of Len's face for a second, and he wasn't quite fast enough putting it back on. "Don't give me that." His voice was tight, something Mick couldn't quite read boiling up beneath the anger. "You said it yourself - the only thing you want from the world is to see it burn."

"That's because I've never given a shit about the world. Of course fire wins." It had always been easier to give in to the fire. Ever since he'd realized he was the kind of monster who'd let his family die, he knew it was the only thing he'd ever been good for.

Except for the fact that Len needed him. Needed him more than Mick ever would have let himself imagine, but in the old days even what little Mick had let himself believe in had been enough. Whatever his partner had given him had always been more than he'd deserved."You're the only thing that was ever louder than the fire." Mick's voice was rough. "Only reason I never let it eat me like I wanted."

A spasm of pain flashed across Snart's eyes, and it was only then that Mick recognized the same pain that had been in his voice earlier. "I always hated the fire," he said finally, voice barely louder than a whisper.

There was a pressure in Mick's chest, a fist around his throat. He'd spent most of his life pretending he had no feelings, and now they were trying to kill him in revenge. "Yeah, well, I hated the fact that you were getting sucked into the whole hero thing. Once that happened, it was only a matter of time before you realized you couldn't have a monster as a partner anymore." The Time Bastards might have been jerking him around since he stepped onboard, but the fears they'd used to do it had been a part of him for years. Len had a soft heart, and Mick had always known that if he ever gave into it there'd be no more room for a monster like him. "It was either get you away from them, or get out before you could push me out. And you wouldn't let me do either." Mick could remember hating Len a little for that.

But that hate hadn't put a dent in everything else Mick felt for him. Nothing ever had.

The pain had beaten out everything else in his partner's expression, and he was staring at Mick almost the same way he had when Mick had pulled off the Chronos mask. Almost. "You're not a monster, Mick." His voice was still soft, but the words were urgent enough to be an order. Like he could make Mick believe it if he said it just the right way. "You never were."

Mick thought about the kid they'd left back in the refuge, the one who'd meet the 14-year-old Len in about a year. He wondered if the kid had known the baby he'd been holding would grow up to be the best thing that ever happened to him. "Told myself it was hate that I held onto the first time they messed with my mind, but for hate that was supposedly so strong it sure didn't do shit when I saw you again. They burned the fire outta me, but you were still in there. You're _always_ still in there, no matter what else anybody tries to do to me."

Len stepped forward like he wasn't aware he was doing it. "Mick...."

Mick shook his head. "I don't finish this now, I'm never gonna get it all out." He took a deep breath. "I told Haircut I used the team this time, that they'd get themselves killed without me, but the only reason I started giving a shit about them in the first place was because you'd decided they were yours. Always worked that way. I followed your lead, no matter what stupid scheme you were cooking up, because you were always the best damn reason I ever had."

He held his hands out, all his attention on his partner. "I'll die for a hell of a lot. But you're the only thing I ever stayed alive for."

There was a heartbeat of silence where Mick didn't even breathe. Then Len lunged across the distance between them, grabbed the front of Mick's shirt and dragged him close for a bruising kiss that knocked the air out of his lungs. Mick had always thought of sex the same way he did cheeseburgers – something you fed the hunger – but now something kindled inside him that he'd never felt before.

When they broke apart, Len had a wide-eyed look that suggested he maybe hadn't meant to do that. Before he could say something, Mick cut him off. "If you're about to apologize for that, or say we're not gonna do it again, rest assured I will kick your ass."

There was a beat, then Len's lips curved upward in a smirk that looked suspiciously like a grin.


	5. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is self-indulgent, but after that finale I feel I deserve it. Set after the finale, when things get relatively quiet again.

So the day was saved, thanks to Kendra finally committing homicide, his partner's quick thinking, and Rip once again being rescued from his own terrible decision making. Then everyone had to go put their younger selves back into the timeline, head back to 2016 for some thinking time, and decide whether they wanted to sign on for another round of time jumping. After checking in with Lisa, Len and Mick decided to stay on the Waverider for at least a little while longer - clearly, the team needed people capable of thinking sensibly.

Then, finally, they got some alone time.

000

For Len, saving the world, time travel and even these Justice Society people had always seemed more likely than the idea he’d wake up one morning with his face pressed against someone’s bare shoulder, feeling safe enough that he could revel in the warm, drowsy comfort. Even more impossible, the comfort wasn’t broken by the feel of a rough thumb gently tracing the mostly faded scar along the inside of his lower arm. “How old?” Mick asked quietly.

“Eleven.” Len opened his eyes, shifting his gaze just enough to look up at the scar. It was far from the only one he had, the ones from his father and a life of crime indistinguishable to everyone but him, but this was the only one he ever specifically tried to hide. Attempted suicide scars never looked like anything but what they were. “Lisa hadn’t been conceived yet.”

“Ah.” Mick curled the rest of his fingers around the back of Len’s wrist, holding it lightly enough that Len could easily break free. They were usually far rougher with each other – even now, Len could point to several bruises that were proof enough of that, along with a bite mark on his neck that proved his partner could be just as territorial as he was. Still, they always knew where the other person was truly fragile. “What stopped you, then?”

“Decided I didn’t want to give my father the satisfaction.” He’d walked himself to the ER, the kitchen towel he’d pressed to it almost soaked through, but it hadn’t changed anything. Nothing ever really had. “Then my mother got pregnant, and it stopped being an option entirely.”

“Because you had to be there for Lisa.” Mick’s voice made the words a warm rumble, his thumb still stroking lightly over Len’s skin.

“Exactly.” Len’s own voice had softened, remembering how Mick had called himself a monster. They had both told a thousand stories about themselves over the years, but if he'd had any idea Mick had actually _believed_ that particular lie he would have put a stop to it a long time ago. Mick Rory was no monster. He was the Rock of fucking Gibralter. "You were the only other person I ever trusted her with, Mick. The only other person I ever taught _her_ to trust. Didn't you ever think about what that meant?"

Mick's only response was an indrawn breath, thumb going still. When Len shifted enough to see his partner's face, he looked almost wondering.

Len's lips curved. "The man gets it now."

"Don't sound so smug." Despite the words, Mick's voice had gone a little thick. "I still want to know why I never heard about the scar."

 _Because I didn’t dare let myself believe you’d care._ But that wasn’t quite true, the thought a gross oversimplification of the fear, hope and sheer _need_ that had always been so tightly wound around his attachment to Mick Rory. It had been so much less terrifying to pretend he’d never had a heart in the first place than to admit that Lisa and Mick had each stolen their half a long time ago.  

“I don’t like talking about it,” he said instead, the words true enough to be an acceptable substitute. He tried hard not to lie to Mick anymore. “It was a bad idea, and I shouldn’t have even let myself consider it.”

“No, you shouldn’t have.” Mick’s voice was firm enough to make the words an order as he rolled them both around for a kiss that pressed Len down into the mattress. Mick's hand still wrapped around the scar as he pinned the arm to the bed, as if trying to protect it.

When they broke apart, Mick pulled back enough to look down at Len, all the tenderness in the world on his face. "Would have screwed up my whole life," he said quietly.

Len's chest tightened. _If I hadn't met you, I wouldn't have a life_ , he wanted to say, but the words lodged in his throat. Mick had always been braver than he was.

Instead, he pulled Mick back down for another kiss. "Well, you're stuck with me now."

**Author's Note:**

> Come check out my new original fiction on my [blog](http://jennifferwardell.blogspot.com) or say hi to me on [Tumblr](http://sanctuaryforalluniverses.tumblr.com)!


End file.
